The Lope: World Domination

Friday, September 16, 2005

World Domination

Some days you wake up more megalomaniacal than others. This was one of those days for Ace. To take over the world, one might find an armed force useful, so, upon spying Lance Corporal Martin of the United States Marine Corps, Ace dons a clever disguise to meet her.

She's pretty, well-spoken, polite and informative...but she doesn't have any tanks or planes handy, so he tries elsewhere.

This mobile Howitzer at the Kansas Army National Guard display might be a good tool for starters.

A helpful soldier explains the workings of the machine.

Although the Howitzer would be good for coping with no parking zones, he perceives that it isn't enough to take over the world.

All journeys start with a map, so Ace (now, Lope the Merciless) locates this Nathanial Cline's model of the solar system in the 4H building and plans his assault.

While there, he finds his arsenal. Yes, rockets are the key. What nation would be so foolish as to ignore a jackalope with many missiles? Of course, the range of an Estes rocket is somewhat limited due to the chemical engines, so he'll need another power source.

Dilithium crystals would do nicely.
However, this is salt. So...a rocket packed with this stuff and aimed at the enemy's food supply could temporarily raise his blood pressure...not quite the dramatic impact hoped for. By the way, the makers, Salt Lamps International, claim the lamps have great healing powers...Uh huh.

This device has something to do with ions, and ion power was mentioned in Star Trek, so this MUST be a power source...or perhaps its a weapon. Unfortunately this neat looking device turned out to be an Eco Quest air purifier.
Super villains in movies never have this problem:
James Bond: Do you expect me talk?
Goldfinger: No, Mr Bond; I expect you to breathe more easily with fewer allergens.

World domination is too hard; camping is easy. Ace relaxes at the Family Campers and RVers booth.

He questions the wisdom of a marshmallow who would hang out at a camping booth.

Tearing himself away from the tasty treat, Ace sees a vacuous blond in a kayak and considers the double-entendre possibilities of the Fair's slogan, "It's a Wild Ride, Baby."

He loses interest when he notices she doesn't have even one oar in the water.


Blogger Bubby said...

Great stuff, Greg. I really gotta get a hook for my photos (one that doesn't make me look like a copycat).

Fri Sep 23, 03:17:00 PM  

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